Saturday, May 7, 2011
Fire Your Boss
There are so many recreational things (other than all the ‘beeped’ activities) which most of the people usually underestimate and ignore.
If your boss is busy in a meeting with some client during lunch time and keep you waiting, steal his lunch box, eat the food and fill the box with used ‘Fevistick’. If you can’t find used ‘Fevistick’, use anything that resembles your middle finger. Oh God! I love the middle finger. I wish I could turn all my fingers into middle finger. If you can’t find anything, just borrow my socks.
I completely understand, how important checking the ‘Facebook’ notifications is, while you are in office. After all ‘Facebook’ is the second best word starting with the letter ‘F’. (Some retard is thinking the first best one to be ‘Fox’. Strangle him, if you find him.) Well the trick is very simple. Buy some ‘Jamal Gota’(laxatives), bribe the office boy and add it to your boss’s morning coffee.
Capture a photo of your boss (for special effects, try to capture him when he very pissed off.), do little Photoshop work on it, maybe you can make him a B-grade movie actor, a Tamil movie star, Superman, Auro or Suhaas Tandon and upload it in ‘Facebook’. Even better would be, make a slideshow of all the photos and upload in ‘Youtube’.
Well! These were tricks for the weak hearted, career oriented and diplomatic (basically retard) guys who lost their guts since the office mouse lost its ball. These people don’t deserve much recreation. There are more cool things in life to do than doing the above.
Now, for those who have kept their balls password protected, there’s a new dimension of entertainment for them. When your boss is giving some presentation to the client, with profound humbleness (and utmost privacy), go behind him and shut his mouth using both your hands. (Again you can use my socks for the obnoxious effect. Socks are a very useful human invention.) Don’t let him speak for a couple of minutes. At the same time, you can use his obviously bald head for some desi music. Now your boss will try to retaliate. First of all use the stapler to staple both his palms, and then use the paper punch to create tiny little holes in his palm. (Please make the holes in an artistic way. I love artists.) Now use the practical file thread to create imaginative knots in those holes. There are hundreds of things available in offices which can be very effective in torturing your boss. Now drag his hands behind his head. In the meantime, go and bring a permanent marker and write all the ‘beeped’ words in his forehead. (Please knowingly or unknowingly, don’t make spelling mistakes. Leave the message loud and clear.) Then say these words.
“With due respect, I resign from your office. Sir!”
Trust me; this would be the coolest thing you could ever do with your publicly sarcastic and privately polite boss.
Now, that same retard (remember the ‘Fox’ guy) is very angry. I have a very polite answer for him.
“Shut the ‘beep’ up! I decide what is cool.”
PS: My boss is a true gentleman. In Bihar people say, ‘My Dear’ kind of person. It’s just that, he dared to disagree with my philosophy of working in office, and violated both my rules.
Rule 1: Working overtime (without getting paid) does not show your devotion towards work. It just shows that, you are a lazy, dumb and retard fellow, who could not finish his work in time and didn’t do his job in a time when he was supposed to do it.
Rule 2: Punctuality does not only mean coming to office in time, it also means going from office in time. If you don’t reach home in time regularly, you are still not punctual.
PPS: Fire your boss before he fires you.
Posted by Shahzeb Danish at 10:15 AM