Religion And The Great Indian Melodrama

Religion is the deadliest weapon ever discovered by mankind. Three things sell in the reel life: Shahrukh Khan, Sex and Comedy. But in the real world, there's only one thing that is guaranteed to sell: Religion. Everybody is selling their religion. They appear like telecom service providers to me. And every religion claims to be the only true religion. How funny is that?

And the funnier thing is, they have scientific justification for that too. How good these people are at manipulating things? They will strongly disagree with Darwin's theory of evolution, but will readily accept when some scientific logical explanation of a natural phenomenon is in agreement with their scriptures. They tell me that, cow's dung or urine can cure cancer, just because cow is the sacred animal. How about trying human urine? They are holier than cows. Or they tell me, that their way of slaughtering the cow is painless. How crass is that? Let me just cut your finger the painless way.

Majority of the people, who can read the original scriptures; don't understand it. And yet, they have a strong faith. And by any logical explanation, I don't understand why isn't it a hollow faith; believing in something, they don't know or understand. In the first place, there are more than a million Gods in India itself. How am I supposed to know, which one is the real one or at least the mightiest  one. Most part of the world just inherit their religion. What if Mother Teresa goes to heaven and they tell her.

"Sorry babe. You had the wrong religion. Can't help it. Rot in hell. We are sorry for you."

I have no doubt about the existence of God. But I doubt, he is exactly the way, these people tell me. Faith is good only if it encourages you to do good. What I experience is drastically different from what they preach. Nobody is religious behind closed doors. And nobody dare defy it in public. These people with dual standards are meek, coward and dumb. They tell me to do good, so that God forget their sins, if I turn good. They use the concept of karma so beautifully against me. If I fail at something, they would all blame my karma for it. And when I succeed, they would say that, it is because infidels would get luxuries in this world only. These weak souls try to find a way to justify their poor faith instead of finding and accepting the truth.

I fear death, and I believe, so does everybody else. But my fear is not up to that extent that I would accept each and every crap they preach me in the name of God. I have my share of doubts. And it is my birth right to have doubts. And these people can't deprive me of my doubts, until they have the right answers. Till then, let me have my doubts and let them sell their certainty.

In My Past Life

This image is really mysterious. Try to figure out why, before you read further.

Gopal Kumar Yadav aka Gopi has got an envious potbelly. And he didn’t grow it overnight. In fact he has achieved it. Fifteen years of monotonous work has earned him a made to order wife from some village of Bihar, a ten year old DPS kid and a 2 BHK flat at Maharani Bagh of New Delhi.

Today he is going to fulfill his long protected dream. He is going to own a 1 BHK flat at New Friends Colony. NFC is not more than 15 minutes of walk from Maharani Bagh. But it took him 15 years to reach there.

“Good Morning Sir. You must be Mr. Yadav? I am Kamal Kumar.” A gentleman in shiny brown leather shoes greeted him. By looking at his tie and shoes, anyone could tell that he was some kind of salesman.

“Good Morning. This place…” The place seemed vaguely familiar to Gopi. It was for sure that he has not visited that compound ever. But there was something familiar about the compound, the streets, the buildings and even the parking.

“Not to worry about the place sir jee. We are giving you the best deal sir jee. Mata Ka Mandir is just five minutes of walk from here. Community Centre is hardly 10 minutes of walk from here. ” He could have continued to measure the distances in units of minutes, had Gopi not interrupted him.

“When was this apartment built?”

“Some 10 years ago sir jee. I am in this business for 15 years now.”

“There’s lift, this way?”

“Yes! Have you been here before sir jee?”

“No. Never” 

More than Kamal, he himself was surprised by his own knowledge and memory, which seemed to defy his senses. How could he know such details about a place, he has never been to. He tried to recollect all the memory that lay dormant in some part of his skull. Any relative living in this colony was out of question. Moreover, none of his relatives were rich enough to own a flat at that place. Has he been here in some marriage function of a colleague?

“See. This is your mansion sir jee. And this is your huge hall…”

“We have a kitchen this side. And a balcony to the left…”

“Sir jee, you have come here before. Now I am sure.”

“No. I haven’t. Even I am surprised. May be my past life connection.”

“Sir jee. This is your bedroom. And the kitchen is to that side.”

“There must be a shaft besides the kitchen.”

“Yes sir jee.”

“Oh! This beam. This is the beam. How is this behaving in shear?”

“What? Sir jee” Kamal was puzzled to hell.

Now Gopi remembered everything, every minute detail of the building. Every beam, every slab panel, every column and every foundation below the columns; including that erratic beam which simply would not pass in shear…this was the building he had designed…some 11 years ago.

Blank Pages

This post has been published by me as a part of the Blog-a-Ton 28; the 28th Edition of the online marathon of Bloggers; where we decide and we write. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton. The topic for this month is 'BLANK PAGES'.

Garmi ki dopehri me,
Us purane makan ke chhote se kamre ke andar,
Shayad bahut andar,
Din ke do baje hain...
Ek toot ti si khidki hai,
Jis se kabhi haseen nazare dikhte the,
Barish ka mausam bhi hota tha,
Aur kaghaz ki kishtiyan bhi hoti thi,
Wahin paas wale parchoon ki dukan ke saamne se,
Ek pagdandi si nikalti hai,
Door pagdandi ke mod pe,
Ek jugnu ka ped bhi hai,
Jab bhi kabhi aandhi aati,
Us ped ke saakh is qadar ek doosre se lipat jate,
Goya ishq me mubtala hoon...
Ped ki chhao me,
Mohalle ke kuch bachche,
Gilli danda khelte,
Un ke beech aksar taqraar hua karti,
Shaam ke waqt beshumaar shor hota,
Haat se wapis aane wale musafiron ke cycle ki ghanti,
Bachcho ki bewajah kilkariyan,
Ek fakeer jo zor zor se chilla kar gata,
Kabootaron ki gutur goon,
Teetar bateir aur hudhud,
Mano sargam ke saaton sur chhed rahe hoon...
Aaj udhar dekhte hi nirasha hoti hai,
Jugnu ka ped ab sabz na raha,
Khada hai,
Adiyal sa,
Us ped ke khushk shaakhon ke beech se,
Ab electricity ki wires guzarti hain,
Jis pe aksar kauve baithte hain,
Kabhi kabhi ek giddh bhi aata hai,
Khamosh hi rehta hai,
Neeche pagdandi par taktaki lagaye,
Jane kya dekhta rehta hai,
Ab zyada musafir bhi nahin aate jaate idhar se,
Bas wohi fakeer dikhta hai,
Jane kya badbadata rehta hai,
Jaise is khamoshi is khalipan ko kos raha ho...
Kya tha bachpan,
Chand safed panne hi to the,
Jin me tedi meri kuch lakeerein kheench dali,
Do char rang,
Hara neela surkh syaah,
Youn hi jaldbazi mein idhar udhar bikhed dale,
Jo aaj rang birangi yaadein ban gayi hain,
Lekin,
Aaj anginat panne hain,
Jo har subah youn hi mil ja rahe hai,
Wo sab Korey kyon hain...

A tribute to all the great poets of India.

The fellow Blog-a-Tonics who took part in this Blog-a-Ton and links to their respective posts can be checked here. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

The Gift

The original idea behind this blog is of Sharique Noorul Hasan. Its just that, he is too lazy to move his fat ass.

Both the hands of my wall clock embraced themselves and my phone rang.

"Happy Valentines Day."

"Happy Valentines Day Payal. I was just going to call you."

"Yeah, I know that Shona. So, what were you doing?"

"Nothing much. Was just missing you."

"Office tomorrow?"

"Have taken off darling. Special day, special plan for tomorrow."

"Oh, I love you my cute teddy."

Girls have a different way of treating boys. At first, they are just friends, then they become boyfriends and then they become 'Toyfriends'. Well the conversation didn't end there. Somehow, the network connection went sick, then I had to call her back and it lasted for good couple of hours. Next day, I promised to meet her at Nehru Place.

Nehru Place was not much crowded today, except for the few pizza burger eating techno freaks, who surprisingly happened to own a girlfriend too apart from their iPhones. Payal arrived, clad in some form of dressing that made her look bit funny but really sensuous. I still don't know, what that dress is called. She brought a extra large bouquet and something else packed inside a velvet box. After the mandatory love greetings I said.

"We are going to see a special couple today."

Gopal Jee and Savitri Jee stay at Nehru Place bus stop. Gopal Jee must be around seventy years old. Long grey beard and wrinkles running from everywhere to everywhere on his face. Savitri Jee must have been ten years younger, but she looked the same as her husband. I have been watching them, living there, in that bus stop, for almost couple of months. They would spend their entire day staring at each others eyes. And at night, they would light a fire somehow and rest in each others arms.

They are so weak that they can't walk for begging also. Neither they have the energy to cry out loud and ask for it. And without melodrama, people don't give a penny to beggars. Poverty, winter and old age is a cruel combination. Sometimes, I used to pay them twenty rupees and they would ask for someone else's favor to bring them food. Mostly they survived on water. Sometimes I would lit my cigarette using the fire that they light up in the evening and have a chat with them. They didn't speak much though. That old couple, for some reasons caused me depression, everytime I met them. Today I met them again.

The weather is warm and sunny today.

"Ram Ram chacha..." I greet him with a smile and sit on my knees. Payal is standing beside me.

"Ram Ram beta..."

"Khana khaya ki nahin chacha?"

He didn't say anything. That meant no.

"Aur Valentines Day mana rahe hain ki nahin?" I asked.

They looked perplexed. Perhaps, they weren't aware of the new festivals that are being celebrated in the country these days.

"Aaj office nahin gaye?" He asked me.

"Nahin, aaj main ne chhutti le liya hai. Aap dono ko ghumane le aaye hain. Yeh meri girlfriend hai." I just hoped, they knew, what girlfriend meant. Payal was still standing beside me silently.

"Beta hum log ghoom ke kya karenge. Yeh to chal bhi nahin pate hain."

"Chaliye na chachi. Main inko le chalunga."

Gopal Jee smiled and that signalled his agreement. I held his arm, he got up, partly supported his weight on my shoulder and we moved to SONA restaurant.

SONA restaurant was not more than hundred meters from there. But it was like a different world for them. I asked them to order whatever they liked. Very hesitantly, he asked for 'Aloo Parantha'. And she just asked for the same. I insisted them to have Roshogulla and then Lassi too. They had everything pretty fast. She wiped the Lassi that got stuck in his moustache with the help of her Sari.

I bought two shawls for both of them. And I offered the shawls along with a five hundred rupee note to them. That old man had tears in his eyes. He almost cried, when he said.

"Beta..." He could not speak anymore.

"Arey chacha..." I just hugged him tight. And I hugged his lady love too. Gopal Jee had a twinkle in his eyes and Savitri Jee had a smile on her face. Payal too had a brief smile. Then, we said the couple good bye.

Payal and I moved to a restaurant called Barista or something. She didn't speak much, which was rare. So I grabbed the opportunity to speak.

"Valentines Day, the way we celebrate these days, is more about fashion than about love. It seems more like an Archie's Gallery promotion activity to me. India is not that poor a country to have people dying of hunger. We all can chose to make little efforts to cause big differences in others lives. A large part of our money is spent on maintaining our lifestyle and social status, which we can chose to avoid or at least cut short. I wanted to do my little part with my meagre salary. And more than that, I wanted to gift you the twinkle Gopal Jee had in his eyes, the smile Savitri Jee had on her lips and the feeling of 'I am a good human being', which is a source of absolute happiness and a bliss in solitude."

Payal listened very patiently and seemed to be in a pensive mood. I guess she was really feeling bad about the poor people for their being poor. Without much fanfare, we said our goodbyes for the day.

Next morning I had a text message from Payal, when I got up.

'Hi!

Yesterday I had a wonderful experience. My gift for this Valentines Day is due.

 Love you.'

When Journey Meant More Than Destination

This post has been published by me as a part of the Blog-a-Ton 25; the Silver Edition of the online marathon of Bloggers; where we decide and we write. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton. The topic for this month is 'When Journey Meant More Than Destination'.

This is my first attempt at Fiction 55...

After applying the vermillion, the pundit started swinging the plate in front of the videsi memsab.
"Hurry up bhaiya!"
"You town people, hurry for everything. Are you in a hurry to live this life? Are you hurrying to die? Life is all about the journey, not the destination beta."

The fellow Blog-a-Tonics who took part in this Blog-a-Ton and links to their respective posts can be checked here. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

7 Reasons To Prefer A Smartphone Over Girlfriend

Smartphone is obviously a better choice over a Girlfriend, if you are within a 20k budget! If your budget is more than that, you should better go for a laptop or a bike or may be a car. My budget is within 20k. So I better talk about Smartphones.

Now, the first very important thing…when I say Smartphone I automatically imply a Smart boy using a Smartphone; not the ones, who buy a phone worth 20k and use it for calling and texting only. It’s like playing ‘Snakes and Ladders’ with your wife at midnight in your bedroom.

Coming back to the issue, here I present to you 7 reasons why, you should prefer buying a Smartphone than buying a Girlfriend.

1.    One Time Investment: Well, you might feel for once, a little jealous with your other friend who got a Girlfriend just by investing on her all the ‘Free Text Messages’ that Airtel provided him. But trust me, his expenses does not end there…as, after that begins a series of expenses on Archie’s ugly but soft bears, dogs, cats, puppies, pigs, bitches and what not…treat for her birthday, love anniversary, her dog’s birthday, start of her periods, end of her periods…while in your case, you just feed her electricity every day for couple of hours which does not cost more than 10 bucks a month. (Do the calculations yourself.)

2.    Interactive and Intelligent: Your Smartphone is intelligent, interactive and obedient…always…while his Girlfriend is non-technical, dumb and mostly irritating. Perhaps, that’s why he is seen playing with his phone on his McDonald dates. And the best of all, your Smartphone comes with a warranty for one year.

3.    Beautiful and Sexy: Your thing is beautiful and sexy too. You don’t believe me? Just check out the latest Nokia Lumia 800. You just can’t take your eyes off its screen...neither your fingers. While his Girlfriend is causing a hole in his pocket for her millions of non-ecofriendly cosmetics, you just smile with your polycarbonate uni-body design chiseled to your choice and color with the right amount of curves and bulges in the right places.

4.    Getting Better with Age: While your Smartphone goes on updating herself with time and getting more productive & valuable day by day…his girlfriend starts getting boring, ugly and off course nagging.

5.    Loyalty:  My Smartphone does whatever I ask her to do. She manages my daily schedules, my emails, my social networks, sings, dances, plays games with me…basically manages my entire life. I rely on her for everything, and she never complains for my taking her for granted. How many of those who has a Girlfriend can claim that? Especially with the ZIGGY application (SIRI for iPhone users), she talks to me, listens to whatever I say, understands my taste and choices…and obeys. My Smartphone is just mine. ‘Infidelity’ is simply out of question.

6.    No Social Complications: You can just choose any phone for yourself without worrying about her religious belief, faith, caste, creed, color, ethnicity, height, weight etc. Every phone readily agrees to be with you, only if you promise to pay a certain amount. You can be with her as long as you wish. And despite all her love for you, if at all you want to separate with her, she comes up with a big heart and accepts another master…silently…without any crocodile tears and emotional drama.

7.    Saves from Girlfriends: If all the above things could not convince you, then certainly this one will. If you make the right choice, it will save you from billions of irritating things that your girlfriend uses to irritate you, ranging from…random item relocation in your place…unwanted ‘Organization’ of your stuff…constant overdressing…she’s late for everything…the sheer amount of toiletries she needs…she whines about everything (Work, another woman’s hair, her own hair, her thighs, another woman’s thighs, the weather, her mother, your mother, your socks; it really doesn’t matter what the subject is, because she can and will whine about everything. Things that guys don’t even think about seem to irk women, and they all come out when a girlfriend takes root in your life)…and then...millions of pillows and soft toys…her ‘Tears’ at the drop of a hat (It could have been because she stubbed her toe, or it could have been because she thought she stubbed her toe, and the idea of stubbing her toe was stressful enough an event to cause her to cry. Whatever the case may be, she cries at least once a week for what seems like no discernible reason. Technically, there’s always a reason, but it almost always winds up existing solely in her own head)…her selectively perfect memory…her constant guilt-tripping…somebody stop me please…I can go on…

So, the next time you have some surplus money, make the right choice. And besides, who knows…you might go to buy a Smartphone and you get a Girlfriend free.