Thursday, March 11, 2010

Cost of Failure

“Success does come at a price. But that does not mean failure comes free of cost!"
The only good thing about my failure is that I can proudly count the years...12 years, 11 months and  17 days to date. The very instant reaction people show for this huge waste of time is sometimes overwhelming. This is one of the rarest cases where people applaud your failure .I am sure people do a lot of things to achieve or conquer that particular success. Overnight Tata to Tata free calls and unending Reliance free text messages to name a few things. And very justifiably they feel proud of it when they succeed.

I tried to the best of my abilities. I was not always as I am today. There was a time when I didn't have the slightest inkling of what this most overrated word in the dictionary meant. I was just a common boy from a small town who loved to get some public attention. Who loved those unending madness of childhood. But then I was bitten. And bitten that BUG. And change became a part of my name. Change of attitude, change of priorities, change of emotions and what not. I changed everything I could, except for these few inches and my face. I wish I could do that.

She became an unending source of inspiration. At least this is what I thought that time. I credited her for every success of mine. (Sorry mom, I forgot that you were praying for me constantly.)  I conquered every possible arena from where there was least bit of hope that she could be impressed. I became a stage maniac. I learned painting and poetry. Won prizes for athletics. Even tried my guts in something as weird as Martial Arts. And eventually became the topper of the town as well. So far so good.

But then I learned dozen of etiquettes which define me today in many places. And the very first one would be 'Jealous'. And then arrogant, erratic, egoistic and eccentric. What not! I lost someone whose trust in me was the envy of the mass. He was a very dear friend indeed. Even today we share a cordial relationship, but the scar is still there. I know I have lost that credit. And things will never be same again. I deceived people. I cursed every single person who tried to have a glimpse of her. And unfortunately the list of those people included some of my true well-wishers.

I was poor, but still I paid my price. And the endeavor still continues.

But the reality is that even today my friends keep me in the other side of the line. At the end of all these years, 32 text messages and 7 phone call recordings is all I have today. People find it hard to realize that even those who do not win the war bleed equally. And their blood too is red.