Monday, February 6, 2012

7 Reasons To Prefer A Smartphone Over Girlfriend

Smartphone is obviously a better choice over a Girlfriend, if you are within a 20k budget! If your budget is more than that, you should better go for a laptop or a bike or may be a car. My budget is within 20k. So I better talk about Smartphones.

Now, the first very important thing…when I say Smartphone I automatically imply a Smart boy using a Smartphone; not the ones, who buy a phone worth 20k and use it for calling and texting only. It’s like playing ‘Snakes and Ladders’ with your wife at midnight in your bedroom.

Coming back to the issue, here I present to you 7 reasons why, you should prefer buying a Smartphone than buying a Girlfriend.

1.    One Time Investment: Well, you might feel for once, a little jealous with your other friend who got a Girlfriend just by investing on her all the ‘Free Text Messages’ that Airtel provided him. But trust me, his expenses does not end there…as, after that begins a series of expenses on Archie’s ugly but soft bears, dogs, cats, puppies, pigs, bitches and what not…treat for her birthday, love anniversary, her dog’s birthday, start of her periods, end of her periods…while in your case, you just feed her electricity every day for couple of hours which does not cost more than 10 bucks a month. (Do the calculations yourself.)
2.    Interactive and Intelligent: Your Smartphone is intelligent, interactive and obedient…always…while his Girlfriend is non-technical, dumb and mostly irritating. Perhaps, that’s why he is seen playing with his phone on his McDonald dates. And the best of all, your Smartphone comes with a warranty for one year.
3.    Beautiful and Sexy: Your thing is beautiful and sexy too. You don’t believe me? Just check out the latest Nokia Lumia 800. You just can’t take your eyes off its screen...neither your fingers. While his Girlfriend is causing a hole in his pocket for her millions of non-ecofriendly cosmetics, you just smile with your polycarbonate uni-body design chiseled to your choice and color with the right amount of curves and bulges in the right places.

4.    Getting Better with Age: While your Smartphone goes on updating herself with time and getting more productive & valuable day by day…his girlfriend starts getting boring, ugly and off course nagging.
5.    Loyalty:  My Smartphone does whatever I ask her to do. She manages my daily schedules, my emails, my social networks, sings, dances, plays games with me…basically manages my entire life. I rely on her for everything, and she never complains for my taking her for granted. How many of those who has a Girlfriend can claim that? Especially with the ZIGGY application (SIRI for iPhone users), she talks to me, listens to whatever I say, understands my taste and choices…and obeys. My Smartphone is just mine. ‘Infidelity’ is simply out of question.
6.    No Social Complications: You can just choose any phone for yourself without worrying about her religious belief, faith, caste, creed, color, ethnicity, height, weight etc. Every phone readily agrees to be with you, only if you promise to pay a certain amount. You can be with her as long as you wish. And despite all her love for you, if at all you want to separate with her, she comes up with a big heart and accepts another master…silently…without any crocodile tears and emotional drama.
7.    Saves from Girlfriends: If all the above things could not convince you, then certainly this one will. If you make the right choice, it will save you from billions of irritating things that your girlfriend uses to irritate you, ranging from…random item relocation in your place…unwanted ‘Organization’ of your stuff…constant overdressing…she’s late for everything…the sheer amount of toiletries she needs…she whines about everything (Work, another woman’s hair, her own hair, her thighs, another woman’s thighs, the weather, her mother, your mother, your socks; it really doesn’t matter what the subject is, because she can and will whine about everything. Things that guys don’t even think about seem to irk women, and they all come out when a girlfriend takes root in your life)…and then...millions of pillows and soft toys…her ‘Tears’ at the drop of a hat (It could have been because she stubbed her toe, or it could have been because she thought she stubbed her toe, and the idea of stubbing her toe was stressful enough an event to cause her to cry. Whatever the case may be, she cries at least once a week for what seems like no discernible reason. Technically, there’s always a reason, but it almost always winds up existing solely in her own head)…her selectively perfect memory…her constant guilt-tripping…somebody stop me please…I can go on…

So, the next time you have some surplus money, make the right choice. And besides, who knows…you might go to buy a Smartphone and you get a Girlfriend free.