Monday, January 17, 2011

Bengalization


Before you read any further I would like you to know that Bengalis are one of the finest people I have ever met in my life. I really love them, but in my own special way.

There always exists a Bengalized version of everything that you come across. I don’t know why, but they certainly have an affinity with the English letters ‘B’ and ‘O’. They can always replace almost every letter with ‘B’. How? In their case, Vivek becomes Bibek, Verma becomes Borma, Vimal becomes Bimol and Vinay becomes Binoy. And most certainly ‘O’ is their most adorable vowel. They have the liberty to use it in place of the rest four. See, how they have transformed my Kajal into Kajol. And to summarize the two, Mr. Satyavrata Vardhan has become Mishtor Sotyabrota Bordhon. Moreover, this particular kind of dyslexia (I call it regiono-lexia) is not limited to human names only. They have Bengalized almost every animate or inanimate things also. The cute little paper punch is called Paonch, simple lunch becomes Laanch, Calcutta has become Kolkata and the very innocent Bhatinda has become Bhotinda.

Unfortunately these people have not got the enzymes to digest Chapattis.  One of my friends had to eat Chapattis and consequently he had to be admitted to a hospital, that too in emergency. And on the contrary, they have got some extra cellulose digesting enzymes which can digest even the rarest breed of rice ever known to mankind. No surprises that rice is the staple diet in Bengal. Besides, I am sure you are quite aware of the old joke that Bengalis don’t drink anything. They eat everything. Be it cold drink or bidi, it has to be eaten rather than drunk or smoked. Fish is also one of their favorite delicacies. Let me correct it. It’s actually fish curry as they proud fully call it Maacher Jhol. And yes, when I say curry it means curry only i.e. without any actual fish in it. The common practice is that they cook fish curry, and then they take out the fish pieces from it and store it safely to be used next time. And they relish rice with fish curry. Discussion of Bengal without discussing sweets will be totally unjust. Bengalis love sweets, so much so that they name their children as Mishty. Or for that matter may be Shonali, Monali, Roopali….really sweet.

Bengalis are the people who are really bad at fighting. It’s an amazing sight watching at two Bengalis having a hot argument. I am sure, you can just video record it, and telecast as a comedy serial. Bengalis are also a football crazy community. In fact they are crazy about anything that is round, be it Roshogulla, the football or the letter ‘O’, or may be something else. No wonder they have got a different category of ‘Bengali Beauties’ in almost every traditional Indian Internet sites.

This is becoming nasty now. Before you guys start burning my effigy, let me confess that Sourav Ganguly is my favorite cricketer and I would buy him even at the cost of my life.