Pops I want to Marry

Dear Pops,

What is the upper age limit for marrying?

This is an inevitable question and you can’t procrastinate it anymore. And please don’t tell me, there isn’t any. Well the Indian constitution does define the lower limit of 18 for females and 21 for males, but I guess that needs an amendment. There must be an upper limit as well. Or else, we would continue to see those hateful 40 something beasts marrying the under 20 damsels.

I hope you do remember all those qualifications we were looking for, while we were finalizing the groom for my sister. We made sure; he was not very aged and balding. The girl that you will decide for me is also someone’s daughter.

I know, you still think that I am not mature enough and you will continue to think the same way all through your life. After all I am your son. And so does every Indian father for their sons. But trust me; our whole life is a journey of growing up. People get mature by experiencing things, not by just attaining age. Some desires also are inevitable and unfortunately they lead people towards profane behavior. I hope; you do understand what I mean.

Financial stability and social security are just a state of mind. Life will always seem to have urgent temporary issues to deal with, everyday. Life will never tell you that you are financially stable and socially secure enough to marry. So, please don’t tell me that, when marriage is destined (programmed) it will happen spontaneously. We are human beings, not programmed devices. We have to decide and actualize our destiny.

I know; sad memories of some marriages haunt you, which were performed at early age. But I have thousand examples of marriages, which were performed at later stage of life, and even they weren’t successful. Honestly age doesn’t determine the success of a marriage. What actually does is the conviction.

People should marry at an age, when they are still young at heart, mind, body and soul. And I am totally convinced that this is the perfect time for me.

So please, take your time (considering the urgency of my emotions) and decide what is suitable for me.

Also remember that the latest iPHONE is amazing and it would look great in your hands.

Love

Your Son.

My Anna-shan Against Hypocrisy

‘Jaanu…what are your plans for this Sunday and the holiday on Monday? Let’s do something different na…’

‘Yeah baby…I was thinking of joining the ‘Anna-shan’…You see corruption is at its peak.’

‘That’s a great idea. Let’s go shopping today. We need to buy few Indian flags, a carpet, candles etc.’

‘Yeah…Certainly…Please remind me about the ‘I am Anna’ Gandhian cap also.’

‘Please do check in Google for some of the catchy slogans going around there.’

Indians are very poor, less creative and hypocrite when it comes to protests, in support of or against something. We are left with very few ideas;ranging from Bhookh Hadtaal Till Death (Which rarely capitalize to death), Candle March (Blame the Rang De Basanti bells, still ringing), Jail Bharo (The Munna-Circuit philosophy that, going to jail is not bad at all), Dharna (I won’t move my ass till you kick on my butts) and the evergreen Peace March (No comments on that), whenever it comes to protest against some social (read politically active) cause. And the real problem is, we don’t even realize, how boring our ‘Anna-shans are.

The latest hot flavor is the ‘Anna led Anna-shan’, against corruption or black money or the ruling government or something…I really don’t give a damn to their agendas. That’s an issue for high ‘Pseudo-intellectual’ debate. This old man is refusing to eat. I guess because, he has reached an age, when he needs to fulfill his self actualization needs. Or maybe, after the death of the father of ‘Anna-shans’ (I am sure you know the name), after almost 64 years, there is a void for the post. This old man is just filling in for him. I really don’t know how this is going to benefit the so called common man. Or, how he is going to stop me from giving undue advantage to the sexiest colleague I work with. Or, how he is going to stop all mediocre boss shitting over their smart juniors. Shit reminds me of another ‘Anna-shan’.

Another recent bullshit was the ‘Besharmi Morcha’ aka ‘Slut Walk’, performed by around 500 odd girls and few human beings of the middle sex. The very mention of Slut Walk brought the pictures of the march, that was celebrated in Toronto, Canada and the world over; in some part of my highly responsive retina. I was so excited about the march, that I made so many changes to my ever busy schedule to make sure of my presence there (Obviously I don’t give a damn about their hypocrite issue. I just wanted to see the abundance of fatness in right places). For the first time in my life, I felt that India is really growing up. And, what I was presented, is well known to you all. I have aptly named it as ‘Delhi’s Behenji Morcha’. I felt so cheated by all those hypocrite women. None of the girls could be seen in anything better than jeans and t-shirts. All you ‘Besharmi’ supporting girls, if you really want me to change my thinking about your issue, pay me back all my money and time that I have wasted in that wild goose chase.

The only creative protest march that I came across, off late, was the Chaddi March done by young kids in the movie 'Chillar Party' Something like that has to be done, to bring back India on the tracks.

PS: Top 5 wacky ways to protest (Courtesy: www.google.com)

1. Mismatch and wear the most outrageous coloured clothes (eg pink pants, parrot-green shirt and orange shoes).

2. Wear funny hats (with horns, bells or mushrooms) to work or school.

3. Stage Eat-all-you-can strikes (but still call it a 'Hunger Strike').

4. Spray perfume at places with stinky walls.

5. Mass meditate under the Peepal tree in New Road.

6. Build whatever was broken down during previous protests such as pedestrian bars.

7.Symbolic demonstration: carry broomsticks and make everybody sweep the streets to signify 'cleaning up whatever needs to be cleaned up'.

8. Go swim in Bagmati, Bishnumati, or Tukucha.

9. Hug, shake hands, and give a candy to all the policemen you meet.

10.Wear a tyre (truck, car, cycle, according to your size) around your waist and do a collective hula dance in Tundikhel.